She walks down the beach
Thinking of what she almost had but now has lost
The waves lap against her smooth skin
As the wind begins to blow
She looks out across the water
Wondering what it would have been like
To feel his arms around her tight
Sitting on the beach
Him protecting her from the wind
They were only eighteen
But they had a plan
They wanted to spend
Their whole life together
But then the war started
He had to go
They wrote letters
Til the day she got a telegram
Saying that his groups truck had been bombed
There were no survivors
They had planned
To get married on this beach
Just as the sun started to go down
With the burning reds and oranges
That would show their passion for each other
But now all she would do here
Is walk along the beach
With the water hitting her smooth skin
As the wind begins to blow her hair
Thinking of what she almost had
But now had lost.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Razor Blade
I sit hearing holding
This razor to my wrist
Crying and thinking of what I did,
What I did to deserve this...
This pain deep inside of me that's
Killing me oh so slowly
I press down on my wrist
Rock the blade back once
Then I see a drop of blood form
To run down my wrist and hit the floor
I look up to you
And I start to cry
I push down again to watch,
Two more drops form,
They run down my wrist and hit the floor
Those are the tears of my heart
For my heart cries red.
It has so many tears yet to shed
I will never be able to make it stop
So I will let its tears flow over the top
Through my wrist and to the floor
For then it will eventually stop...
All this pain deep inside me
Will start to fade
And this razor blade will drop
I wont feel a thing
Because I will go numb
And it will grown dark as I start to shake
Then it will be done
And I will be gone.
This is from when I was younger. I am now and adult and a very happy person with a special person in my life. I no longer feel this way.
This razor to my wrist
Crying and thinking of what I did,
What I did to deserve this...
This pain deep inside of me that's
Killing me oh so slowly
I press down on my wrist
Rock the blade back once
Then I see a drop of blood form
To run down my wrist and hit the floor
I look up to you
And I start to cry
I push down again to watch,
Two more drops form,
They run down my wrist and hit the floor
Those are the tears of my heart
For my heart cries red.
It has so many tears yet to shed
I will never be able to make it stop
So I will let its tears flow over the top
Through my wrist and to the floor
For then it will eventually stop...
All this pain deep inside me
Will start to fade
And this razor blade will drop
I wont feel a thing
Because I will go numb
And it will grown dark as I start to shake
Then it will be done
And I will be gone.
This is from when I was younger. I am now and adult and a very happy person with a special person in my life. I no longer feel this way.
A Girls Best Friend
Her best friend...
The one she was supposed to be able to trust for life
That she could depend on and would never hurt her
Just hurt her bad
Her life was ruined in a blink of an eye
The minute he slammed out that door
it shook the wall, the wedding picture sliding to the floor
Just the way her heart had
He said he was leaving
he'd never be back.
Divorcing her mom, leaving her sad.
She ran to her room, full of hatred and sorrow
She pushed all the pictures of him and her to the floor
Cried a thousand tears, she just couldn't believe
It had to be a bad joke, he'd be home tomorrow
He was the guy who was supposed to never hurt her
She thinks as she drifts slowly to sleep
Right before everything goes dark,
The one she was supposed to be able to trust for life
That she could depend on and would never hurt her
Just hurt her bad
Her life was ruined in a blink of an eye
The minute he slammed out that door
it shook the wall, the wedding picture sliding to the floor
Just the way her heart had
He said he was leaving
he'd never be back.
Divorcing her mom, leaving her sad.
She ran to her room, full of hatred and sorrow
She pushed all the pictures of him and her to the floor
Cried a thousand tears, she just couldn't believe
It had to be a bad joke, he'd be home tomorrow
He was the guy who was supposed to never hurt her
She thinks as she drifts slowly to sleep
Right before everything goes dark,
Just A Child
I had so many dreams
That I thought would come true
Until that one fateful day when I met you
You swept me off my feet
Acted like you were my prince charming
But then that one fateful day
When we went to far
And all my hopes and dreams went a far
Once you had found out
About the secret inside of me
You went away
You wouldn't talk to me or return my calls
You just left my life
Its been a few months since those days
And now I can't even show my face
This secret I'm carrying
Is starting to show
Because I let you in my life way to far
You wanted me to get rid of it
But it is a something
So I couldn't do it
It is a something that I will love
And if one day you want to see her
I will let you for a little while
But I wont let you ruin her life too
She's just a child
My hopes and my dreams
May now be gone,
And life may be tough
But I will not let you in
To ruin things again
She is my child
My love and my dreams
That I thought would come true
Until that one fateful day when I met you
You swept me off my feet
Acted like you were my prince charming
But then that one fateful day
When we went to far
And all my hopes and dreams went a far
Once you had found out
About the secret inside of me
You went away
You wouldn't talk to me or return my calls
You just left my life
Its been a few months since those days
And now I can't even show my face
This secret I'm carrying
Is starting to show
Because I let you in my life way to far
You wanted me to get rid of it
But it is a something
So I couldn't do it
It is a something that I will love
And if one day you want to see her
I will let you for a little while
But I wont let you ruin her life too
She's just a child
My hopes and my dreams
May now be gone,
And life may be tough
But I will not let you in
To ruin things again
She is my child
My love and my dreams
Life Without You
I feel the cool rain running down my cheeks,
Mingling with my tears.
You just broke my heart, you said it was over
And then you just ran.
I stand here as still as stone,
Soaking wet in the rain
Crying as there is no end
Wishing I had said something
Maybe even ran after you
But what good would that have done me?
You wouldn't have stopped.
You didn't even look back
Now I'm walking out of that life
And into a new
I cry for the love I lost that day
But I think about the fun we had
And the tears we cried and then I stop crying
The sun comes out
And I find out that
I will be able to live without you.
Mingling with my tears.
You just broke my heart, you said it was over
And then you just ran.
I stand here as still as stone,
Soaking wet in the rain
Crying as there is no end
Wishing I had said something
Maybe even ran after you
But what good would that have done me?
You wouldn't have stopped.
You didn't even look back
Now I'm walking out of that life
And into a new
I cry for the love I lost that day
But I think about the fun we had
And the tears we cried and then I stop crying
The sun comes out
And I find out that
I will be able to live without you.
Mistakes
Everyone makes mistakes
But I made a big one.
It happened the day that I met you.
All it took was one smile
And you had me in your arms.
You said you'd never let me go.
I thought, "This is way to good to be true"
And I was right.
Because then one night
We went to a party
Then to my place.
You kissed my lips so tender
I thought for sure that I would melt.
The next thing I can remember
Waking up and you being gone
I call you the next morning,
No one was home.
I left a message on your phone.
You never called back.
Then I was on my way to work
I decided I'd just stop by,
You opened the door,
Stood their a minute,
Then slammed it in my face
I ran back home
With tears streaming down my face
I ran past my mom
Up the stairs
I slammed the door and looked in the mirror
My eyes swollen and red
You called that night, said you were sorry
I said okay but I had to go
A few days later I got sick
I didn't know what to do.
When I was sure of what had happened
I told you the truth
You got mad and called me a whore
Punched me in the stomach.
You jumped in your car and drove away
While I just sat their and cried.
You called that night
Asked if it was true
I said yes and just hung up
But now I can't show my face or anything else
For scared that someone will see
but now that I hold her in my arms
I'm glad you aren't her dad
For if you were..
I know what you'd do
Because you did it to me too
So as I hold this mistake
Which is also a gift
I think of what life will be like now
As me and and my baby slowly drift to sleep
But I made a big one.
It happened the day that I met you.
All it took was one smile
And you had me in your arms.
You said you'd never let me go.
I thought, "This is way to good to be true"
And I was right.
Because then one night
We went to a party
Then to my place.
You kissed my lips so tender
I thought for sure that I would melt.
The next thing I can remember
Waking up and you being gone
I call you the next morning,
No one was home.
I left a message on your phone.
You never called back.
Then I was on my way to work
I decided I'd just stop by,
You opened the door,
Stood their a minute,
Then slammed it in my face
I ran back home
With tears streaming down my face
I ran past my mom
Up the stairs
I slammed the door and looked in the mirror
My eyes swollen and red
You called that night, said you were sorry
I said okay but I had to go
A few days later I got sick
I didn't know what to do.
When I was sure of what had happened
I told you the truth
You got mad and called me a whore
Punched me in the stomach.
You jumped in your car and drove away
While I just sat their and cried.
You called that night
Asked if it was true
I said yes and just hung up
But now I can't show my face or anything else
For scared that someone will see
but now that I hold her in my arms
I'm glad you aren't her dad
For if you were..
I know what you'd do
Because you did it to me too
So as I hold this mistake
Which is also a gift
I think of what life will be like now
As me and and my baby slowly drift to sleep
Invisible Til Death
You never thought to ask her
What was going on
Not even when you saw her walking to school
With her head bent down low
And that gruesome bruise blooming
Purple on her cheek
You didn't even wonder
Why she always covered her body
And never let anything show
You never even thought about it until the day
That everything changed for that girl
Now on this wet and cloudy day
You stand over where she now rests
And Slowly read what her tombstone says,
"To the girl that no one cared enough about to ask what was wrong and if she needed help."
You start to cry,
Knowing that you should have asked
Or even told somebody
Even if you didn't know her.
You could have helped save her life.
But you can't change anything now
But you swear that the next time
You see someone like her that you'll help
So then you slowly place the lily
Where she now rests
You turn around and walk away slowly
On this wet and cloudy day.
What was going on
Not even when you saw her walking to school
With her head bent down low
And that gruesome bruise blooming
Purple on her cheek
You didn't even wonder
Why she always covered her body
And never let anything show
You never even thought about it until the day
That everything changed for that girl
Now on this wet and cloudy day
You stand over where she now rests
And Slowly read what her tombstone says,
"To the girl that no one cared enough about to ask what was wrong and if she needed help."
You start to cry,
Knowing that you should have asked
Or even told somebody
Even if you didn't know her.
You could have helped save her life.
But you can't change anything now
But you swear that the next time
You see someone like her that you'll help
So then you slowly place the lily
Where she now rests
You turn around and walk away slowly
On this wet and cloudy day.
All I Seem Able To Do
All I seem able to do
Is think about you,
And how you're everything I want
And everything I need.
All I want is to be with you.
You're everything to me
Even though I doubt we're meant to be
But yet the thought of you
Still creeps into my mind
So that I wish you could just be mine
It started out as just a friendship
But now for me its grown to be
So much more
But I'm not sure of what to do
When all I can do
Is think about you.
Is think about you,
And how you're everything I want
And everything I need.
All I want is to be with you.
You're everything to me
Even though I doubt we're meant to be
But yet the thought of you
Still creeps into my mind
So that I wish you could just be mine
It started out as just a friendship
But now for me its grown to be
So much more
But I'm not sure of what to do
When all I can do
Is think about you.
Judge Me
You think you know me
'Cause all you do is judge me
But truth be told
You don't know shit
You think your life is just all that
That the girls just fall at your feet
When really all they like is your pretty face
Cause that's all you got and will ever have
You think I feel bad
When something gets fucked up in your life
When really all I want to do is laugh
You say shit and you dish it out
But when you get it back
All you can do is pout
You think you're the best but that attitude really needs a rest
You go through girls like their a piece of candy
And you think that, that's just all fine and dandy
Truth be told nobody cares
You show off and say shit
You do your thing
But from now on don't say a thing
And just walk right back to your latest fling
'Cause all you do is judge me
But truth be told
You don't know shit
You think your life is just all that
That the girls just fall at your feet
When really all they like is your pretty face
Cause that's all you got and will ever have
You think I feel bad
When something gets fucked up in your life
When really all I want to do is laugh
You say shit and you dish it out
But when you get it back
All you can do is pout
You think you're the best but that attitude really needs a rest
You go through girls like their a piece of candy
And you think that, that's just all fine and dandy
Truth be told nobody cares
You show off and say shit
You do your thing
But from now on don't say a thing
And just walk right back to your latest fling
I'll Never Forget You
I will never forget you
You were there for me through the bad
You wiped my tears when I was sad
You picked me up when I fell down
You were with me through thick and thin
I could tell you things that I couldn't tell other people.
I trust you and you trusted me
We were friends then and always will be
You are my best friend
My should to cry on
My cane when I can't walk
And my eyes when I am blind
You are my best friend
I will never forget you
You were there for me through the bad
You wiped my tears when I was sad
You picked me up when I fell down
You were with me through thick and thin
I could tell you things that I couldn't tell other people.
I trust you and you trusted me
We were friends then and always will be
You are my best friend
My should to cry on
My cane when I can't walk
And my eyes when I am blind
You are my best friend
I will never forget you
Class
She sits in class
Watching the teachers lips move
But her mind is not on what she's saying.
It's on him.
The guy she loves.
She can not stop thinking about him
The smell of him lingers where ever he goes
She loves him so
The love she feels is everlasting
She hopes he feels the same.
How can she know for sure?
She could ask, she shakes her head, he could lie...
She looks at her hand, picturing his in it.
Their fingers are interlocked, a perfect fit
She runs her hands through her blonde silk hair
Thinking of all the bad times
He's helped her through so much
Him running his fingers through her hair
As her head rests on his shoulder
The bell rings, its time to go
She smiles as she packs up to go
Thinking of him and only him
Watching the teachers lips move
But her mind is not on what she's saying.
It's on him.
The guy she loves.
She can not stop thinking about him
The smell of him lingers where ever he goes
She loves him so
The love she feels is everlasting
She hopes he feels the same.
How can she know for sure?
She could ask, she shakes her head, he could lie...
She looks at her hand, picturing his in it.
Their fingers are interlocked, a perfect fit
She runs her hands through her blonde silk hair
Thinking of all the bad times
He's helped her through so much
Him running his fingers through her hair
As her head rests on his shoulder
The bell rings, its time to go
She smiles as she packs up to go
Thinking of him and only him
Little Girl
|
Lost Friend
I just lost my best friend
I will never forget him
He was always there for me
But now he is gone
I don't know what to do,
I miss him so.
I don't know how I'm going to go on living
I lay here on my bed crying,
Wishing he were here,
But he's not and he's not coming back
But I will never forget the day
I lost my best friend
I had just seen him the day before
Then I wake up to find that he is no more
That he is now watching over me
I ask God, "Why, why did you take him?"
He answers me, "You didn't love him, he's still with you everywhere you go."
But I say its not the same,
He can't pick me up when I fall,
Or wipe my tears when I cry
So its not the same
I try to stop
Reminiscing over memories past
But I just can't....
Not when I just lost my best friend.
I wrote this about 9 years ago when my grandpa died.
I will never forget him
He was always there for me
But now he is gone
I don't know what to do,
I miss him so.
I don't know how I'm going to go on living
I lay here on my bed crying,
Wishing he were here,
But he's not and he's not coming back
But I will never forget the day
I lost my best friend
I had just seen him the day before
Then I wake up to find that he is no more
That he is now watching over me
I ask God, "Why, why did you take him?"
He answers me, "You didn't love him, he's still with you everywhere you go."
But I say its not the same,
He can't pick me up when I fall,
Or wipe my tears when I cry
So its not the same
I try to stop
Reminiscing over memories past
But I just can't....
Not when I just lost my best friend.
I wrote this about 9 years ago when my grandpa died.
Mask
People don't really know me
They think they do, but they don't
They don't see the hurt written all over
Because I hide behind a mask
everyone thinks, "Oh she's got a perfect life"
She gets whatever she wants
And never gets hurt
But that's all a lie
My lifes not perfect
And I'm often hurt
But I never show it
I just hide behind this mask of deception and make believe
I wish I could share my pain, but I can't!
I wish I could show everyone my lifes not perfect, but I can't!
No one knows that I have all the same problems they do
If I could take this mask off
I would but for now its stuck
And everyone will go on seeing me as this...
This happy, go lucky girl
When really behind my mask I'm dying and crying
Inside and I feel like I'll burst
And my mask will fly off
But I know it wont.
So life will just have to go on
With lies and misconceptions.
They think they do, but they don't
They don't see the hurt written all over
Because I hide behind a mask
everyone thinks, "Oh she's got a perfect life"
She gets whatever she wants
And never gets hurt
But that's all a lie
My lifes not perfect
And I'm often hurt
But I never show it
I just hide behind this mask of deception and make believe
I wish I could share my pain, but I can't!
I wish I could show everyone my lifes not perfect, but I can't!
No one knows that I have all the same problems they do
If I could take this mask off
I would but for now its stuck
And everyone will go on seeing me as this...
This happy, go lucky girl
When really behind my mask I'm dying and crying
Inside and I feel like I'll burst
And my mask will fly off
But I know it wont.
So life will just have to go on
With lies and misconceptions.
He'll Never Know
She sits there running her fingers
Through her blonde silk hair
Thinking of only him
Seeing nothing else around her
She wonders how he got her heart so fast
And if its safe with him or will it just end up like the past
She's been hurt so many times
Been with all the wrong guys
She stops running her fingers through her hair
And hopes that he's not another bad choice
She doesn't think he is...
He's caring and sweet
He's everything she's ever wanted
It feels so right
But yet could it be so wrong?
He's her other half...
Will it stay like that as time pasts?
She loves him so
But yet he doesn't really know
He's the smile on her face every day
The only reason for her living
But yet he'll never know,
Never know...
Through her blonde silk hair
Thinking of only him
Seeing nothing else around her
She wonders how he got her heart so fast
And if its safe with him or will it just end up like the past
She's been hurt so many times
Been with all the wrong guys
She stops running her fingers through her hair
And hopes that he's not another bad choice
She doesn't think he is...
He's caring and sweet
He's everything she's ever wanted
It feels so right
But yet could it be so wrong?
He's her other half...
Will it stay like that as time pasts?
She loves him so
But yet he doesn't really know
He's the smile on her face every day
The only reason for her living
But yet he'll never know,
Never know...
Last Good-Bye
One last text message,
Her one last goodbye.
A part of her life
When all she wanted to do was die
A single cut is all it'd take
To run it back,
First one drop then two.
It'd slowly start to shed...
To shed the tears of her heart
For her heart cries red
The pressure gone
To make sure she would never live again.
To see the breaking down...
So with one last message
She'd tell him she loved him
That she can't live without him and this is her proof
And with just one cut
With just one little slice
The tears will fall to mix with the blood
The only way to shed this pain
To end this sick and twisted game...
This twisted game of life...
Her one last goodbye.
A part of her life
When all she wanted to do was die
A single cut is all it'd take
To run it back,
First one drop then two.
It'd slowly start to shed...
To shed the tears of her heart
For her heart cries red
The pressure gone
To make sure she would never live again.
To see the breaking down...
So with one last message
She'd tell him she loved him
That she can't live without him and this is her proof
And with just one cut
With just one little slice
The tears will fall to mix with the blood
The only way to shed this pain
To end this sick and twisted game...
This twisted game of life...
Daddy
Daddy....
Why have you done this?
Why have you gone and hurt me?
Ruined my family, my life, and my dreams.
I wish I could make you happy
I wish I could make you proud.
I've tried and I've tried
But all that's done is making me cry.
Daddy...
Why have you done this?
What went so wrong?
You always seemed so happy.
Did I do something to make you run?
Daddy....
Please tell me why.
Why did you lie and cheat on mom?
Why couldn't you try just one last time.
All I wanted was you to walk me down the isle.
To sing butterfly kisses to me one last time.
Daddy..
Please tell me why...
Every night before I sleep I cry...
You were supposed to be the one guy who didn't hurt me.
But I guess that was another lie.
Daddy...
There will be no late night wake up calls...
Or jokes or laughs...
You have her kids now...
Daddy....
I'm just a thing of the past.
A memory lost is another one gained.
Maybe that is why I am in so much Pain.
This was written years ago. Freshmen year in high school when my dad left my mom after having multiple affairs.
Why have you done this?
Why have you gone and hurt me?
Ruined my family, my life, and my dreams.
I wish I could make you happy
I wish I could make you proud.
I've tried and I've tried
But all that's done is making me cry.
Daddy...
Why have you done this?
What went so wrong?
You always seemed so happy.
Did I do something to make you run?
Daddy....
Please tell me why.
Why did you lie and cheat on mom?
Why couldn't you try just one last time.
All I wanted was you to walk me down the isle.
To sing butterfly kisses to me one last time.
Daddy..
Please tell me why...
Every night before I sleep I cry...
You were supposed to be the one guy who didn't hurt me.
But I guess that was another lie.
Daddy...
There will be no late night wake up calls...
Or jokes or laughs...
You have her kids now...
Daddy....
I'm just a thing of the past.
A memory lost is another one gained.
Maybe that is why I am in so much Pain.
This was written years ago. Freshmen year in high school when my dad left my mom after having multiple affairs.
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